Link goes fishing
by ShadowWolfX
Summary: He does not fish. ShadowWolfX is my name, read and flame
1. Link goes fishing

Deep within the darkest dungeon lives a deadly force of evil. It's power is so cruel and so deathly frightening, a single glance at it could make you piss your pants. It is in this cave where the ultimate evil awaits Link.  
  
Too bad we're not gonna look at that today. My name is ShadowWolfX and you are reading..  
  
The Hyper, Stupendous, Crazy, Toked up, Freaky Slaby Fic!!!  
  
As if you couldn't guess, I am Slaby. This fic has to do with nothing in my previous fics. I don't own anything, except maybe half of your brains after you read this. And now on with the insanity.  
  
Never let them have cake..  
  
It was an ordinary day. No seriously it was. Nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Link got up, went and ate, went and saw Saria, had a little fun, and went home.  
  
Now any avid reader or video game expert would know something has to happen in this story or else no one will read it. Honestly if you read it or not I don't care but hey your choice.  
  
But for those who have no sense of insanity, here ya go. Link was just about to sit down to lunch, when Saria burst into the door yelling about Mido and his new technique.  
  
Link never knew Mido had an old technique. So, in his curious state, Link burst out the door and jumped down from his tree house. He hit the ground crouching as always. He stood up and was hit clear between the eyes with a small Deku nut.  
  
He staggered backwards as Mido ran into him. Link fell onto his backside and started to cry. It was thenthat the Deku Tree had decided to look in on them.  
  
He saw Link crying and was thinking about making him the hero to travel around saving people and you know crap like that. The real reason was because every time Link got his ass kicked he would run and cry to the Deku Tree.  
  
And the Deku Tree was fed up with his whiney little bullshit. He told Link to go get the sword hidden in the small glades.  
  
Link got lost.  
  
He told him to buy a shield with the rupees he had won.  
  
Link got mugged.  
  
He told him to go inside the Deku Tree and get the slingshot.  
  
Link got his ass kicked.  
  
The Deku Tree, annoyed by this pathetic little bastard, ate him alive and they all got screwed cuse Link gave the tree indigestion and he never passed on his knowledge to anyone else.  
  
THE END  
  
What did you expect something intelligent? Come on I might have been a genius when I co-write the other fic with AdmiralMondo, but I am insane. DURE! Well Flame me please. I ask you to say this sux! Comn I dare ya! DO IT! NOW! NO NOT Now..OK NOW! ShadowWolfX 


	2. Link and the battle of the PLaque!

By the Faeries Im back. ShadowWolfX back to give you part two!  
  
Now as we know Link is dead.  
  
We are all royally butt-fucked.  
  
And the Deku Tree has wicked gas.  
  
Now what to do what to do. We now take you to part two of my fic titled.  
  
My god what have you been eating?!  
  
Now inside the bowels of the Deku Tree Link sat like a little fucking baby. He was balling his eyes out and was kicking the tree's sides.  
  
This pissed the tree off she he shit him out.  
  
If you are wondering how a tree can shit, it's better if you didn't know at all. Its just...no.  
  
So Link, being the tough, strong, brilliant, and quick thinker that he is, decided to do the only thing he could do.  
  
He took a nap.  
  
He was bathed in tree droppings and smelled like raw eels. So who comes up from the waters around the pond?  
  
YOU GUESSED IT! IT WAS THE ONE THE ONLY!!!!!!  
  
RUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! ::stops writing:: WHEW! MY GOD IM SCARED JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!  
  
So, she walked up to the obviously disgusting boy and kicked him right in the nuts.  
  
Link yelled out in pain and doubled over screaming out the name of the 4 faeries.  
  
Yes there are four faeries. Got a problem with it? Good. Express it to me and I get the chance to laugh because I don't care what ya think.  
  
Now Link, screaming out the name of Fafluga the fourth Faerie, sat up and started to yell at the even more disgusting fish girl. She fell in love with him, and his horride stench, and latched onto him, humping his leg.  
  
Link was disgusted so he did the only thing he could do with a gross fish- girl humping his leg.  
  
He cried.  
  
This got the attention of Saria, who loved Link like a brother.  
  
An extremely hott brother that shed love to get alone with in her mind.  
  
So she went over and beat the living fuck outta Ruto.  
  
Ruto, being the little bitch that she is, ran off with Link's hat.  
  
Link cried.  
  
Saria comforted the shit covered boy and held him close.  
  
I should tell you that Saria has no sense of smell or taste (both physically and with men). She did not even sense that he was covered in the bowel juices of the Deku Tree.  
  
So they got up and dove into the river.  
  
Too bad neither of them could swim and the drowned.  
  
THE END  
  
Again expect something smart? This fic was meant to gross you out. It has not concept of sanity and is totally a creation of the mind of Slaby. ShadowWolfX 


	3. Shallow waters are fun to dive in

Chapter 3.  
  
Now as it seems, Link and Saria are both dead.  
  
And we are screwed beyond repair.  
  
AGAIN!  
  
But as you know this is Chapter 3 of this inane story and thye must be alive to further the ridiculous plot.  
  
So, here's how they lived!  
  
CHAPTER 3: DOES THIS LOOK INFECTED TO YOU?!  
  
Now at the bottom of the river, both Saria and Link lay among the sands drowning.  
  
But at least the weren't covered in the excretion of the tree anymore!  
  
*See there is a bright side!*  
  
So they lay there, not knowing what to do since one was an fucking airhead and the other would probably cry if he wasn't surounded by gallons upon gallons of water!!!!  
  
Damned, pathetic, whiney, little, piece of shit, retarded..WHEW..fucking big-eared freak!  
  
Suddenly up swam a figure gracefully plucking the bodies from amongst the coral and sand.  
  
GUESS WHO IT IS! YOU'LL BE WRONG!!  
  
DID YA GUESS RUTO?!?!  
  
WRONG!!!!!!!!!!  
  
It was Zelda who scooped them up and carried them to the surface. She pulled on her now black robes and headress and was slightly perturbed when she saw that they were alive.  
  
Yes Zelda is a necrophiliac. Get over it!  
  
Ummmm...wait...what was I saying? Oh yes well after I went to Canada I ...what? I wasn't telling about how I was arrested for smuggling beavers from Canada?  
  
OH YEA THE FIC!!!  
  
So Zelda, clad in her gothic nightmarish outfit, decided to walk with the two idiots and carry their corpses home when they died.  
  
They all agreed cheerfully and walked out into the fields.  
  
*WAIT! Your wondering how Saria could leave the vilage right? No need I shall explain. She was a special Kokiri, given the ability to leave the forest to search for a job.  
  
Saria picked prostitution! Don't ask me! She told Link it was so she could get into his pants! *  
  
Link gave her his tights.  
  
So they walked from the forest exit, the scene changed in that drolling fade out-fade in scene. And they came across and humongous owl.  
  
The owl started rambling on about how he could help them if they asked.  
  
Link stood there picking his nose.  
  
Saria was pickingher ear.  
  
And Zelda, well it's better we don't say what she was picking!  
  
The owl, now annoyed by these three litlle ignorant assholes, picked each ofthem up and dropped them from a hundred feet in the air killing them all!  
  
The End  
  
Author's Note: Now I've gotten sick of this story so I promise as of this point, quote me on this, there shall be no chapter 4!!!!!  
  
(But then again..) 


	4. HEY LOOK CHAPTER 4!

Chapter 4  
  
THERE IS NO CHAPTER 4!!!!! ON TO CHAPTER 5!!!!! LMAO 


	5. AHAHAHAHA!

Now I said there was no chapter 4 and I meant it. SO we just skip to Chpter 5!  
  
Chapter 5: Do you want fries with that?  
  
Avid readers! Social rejects! And those of you reading this cuse I told ya to! Welcome back! This is Chapter 5 and we are all wondering how they survived the fall. Wanna know? I just might not tell ya!  
  
They fell from the hundred feet in the air and landed on the ground with a hard thud!  
  
Link had landed in his position that made him look like a constapated kangaroo, and the girls had landed on his head.  
  
Then they walked off into the sunse and lived happily ever after!!  
  
THE END  
  
WAIT A MINUTE! NO FUCKING WAY! THAT's NO THE END! DO IT AGAIN AND DO IT RIGHT BASTARD!!  
  
*Sorry yelling at my alternate ego, the nice and sane Slaby.*  
  
So as they all lay in a huge pile, Ruto came up from the Zora river.  
  
YES RUTO! SHE'S BACK! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!  
  
Well Ruto jumped and attached onto Link as he stood up, Zelda started looking up and down Link for any deadly wounds, and Saria was imagining Link in a sailor outfit ripped up and drenche din oil.  
  
*Shudders. Sorry I just had to do that. I scared myself!*  
  
Then all of a sudden Link's other leg was burdened with a heavy weight. It was MALON!  
  
Yes the little red-headed bitch had to come into play right? I mean you can't have a story without millions upon millions of horny little women and old ugly sluts drooling over this sorry piece of shit right?  
  
So Link, now getting humped on both legs, decided to do what he always did when these situations came up.  
  
That's right, he cried. He cried like a little fucking baby!  
  
Seeing a free ride, Zelda dove onto his back and Saria jumped onto his front.  
  
Yea like you didn't think she was gonna do that anyway!  
  
So Link walked carrying the four women who seemed to wanna bang his brains out.  
  
One of them though wished she could do it literally!  
  
*Yea guess who? You read the fic. My reader's aren't THAT stupid. Well not yet at least, we still have a couple chapters to go!*  
  
And as gravity soon came back with him, he fell flat on his face dragging the horny little girls to the ground.  
  
They all stood up and looked at Link laying there on the ground.  
  
He just cried.  
  
So after his little crying party, Link stood up and turned to start walking towards Kokiriko village.  
  
When he tripped over something and fell flat onto his face...AGAIN!  
  
Link stood up and grabbed the piece of metal and was about to throw it into the river when he saw his face in it.  
  
That scare the shit outta him so he screamed, not throwing it because well he's a pussy.  
  
So he put it into his sheathe, how he got one we don't know, and started to the village.  
  
That's when night hit.  
  
*Oh god can't you just tell what's gonna happen next?*  
  
The skeletons walked out from the ground and killed them all.  
  
END CHAPTER 5!!!  
  
Author's note: Well now I wrote about 3 chapters in 10 minutes. SO I think it's time for a break. The next chapters bring some good things. How do the skeletons go away? I can tell you this it is not ZELDA THE NECRO who makes them run for fear because she wants to rape them. Seriously it's not. I'm not kiddi...ahh fuck it it is. 


	6. Lucky Charms are not Narcotics!

Well everyone Slaby has come back to annoy the hell outta you! Chapter 6 right?  
  
Well I wonder what we shall call this chappie. OH I KNOW! How about..  
  
CHAPTER 6: Lucky Charms are not narcotics!  
  
The dead bodies crept closer to the young kids thirsting for their skin.  
  
Without warning something burst from the sleeping group and latched onto one of the dead moving back and forth quickly.  
  
Zelda was horny and wanted some.  
  
She humped the body until it eroded and dusted away. Seeing this the others ran like scared little fuckers.  
  
Zelda was pissed. She was finally gonna get her some and now they ran away like so many other of the dead she had tried to rape.  
  
So! When the others woke up she told them of her tail of fucking the living hell outta the dead body and why she was covered in the ashes of a skeleton.  
  
The details were gruesome.  
  
*Shudders*  
  
*Maybe I should go into them...*  
  
**NO!**  
  
*Oh that? That's just my other personality. We fight a lot*  
  
**NO we don't!!!!**  
  
*Pay no mind to him back to the stupidity!*  
  
Now they all got up and started to walk as Zelda packed up the ashes into a bag and thought of the fun time she would have later that night.  
  
The came across a young little elf covered in green. His name was..MIKE AYE!  
  
*To you who don't know him Mike Aye is this little leprechaun at my school. Hes my buddy so I put him in!*  
  
He pulled out lucky charms and threw them at tem all. They all died because they were allergic to them.  
  
*What I always need a good death scene? Leave me alone im tired!* 


	7. Does this look infected?

Chapter 7 is kind of different. Wait no it's not. Oh yea that's what's different. Throughout this chapter I will constantly interrupt and me or my other personality will bitch and moan for half of the story I will be in *hello* and my other personality, let's call him Jason (lol) will be in **hello**.  
  
Chapter 7: If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?  
  
Now they had died, couldn't ya tell, and if this story is continuing they must be back alive.  
  
The gang stood up after the extreme attack of marshmallows.  
  
**I LOVE LUCKY CHARMS DAMMIT! THEY ARE NOT POISON! IF YOU THINK SO SUCK ON ME RED BALLOONS!!!**  
  
*SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CUM GUZZLING GUTTER SLUT!!*  
  
Now Link stood up and dove on Mike Aye, kicking the living shit outta him. No one cared.  
  
SO as they left the mangled corpse of Mike Aye lying there, Zelda already had her way with him, they took off towards Goron village.  
  
Why? We have no clue but I think it might have to do with Saria and her obsession with hard stiff objects.  
  
So as they arrived in Goron village, Link looked at a rolling Goron and kicked it.  
  
He broke his foot.  
  
The Goron, which we will call PINKY!.  
  
**WHY PINKY??!?!**  
  
*CUSE I SAID SO! DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?*  
  
**YES BUT I CRAVE ATTENTION**  
  
::The two personalities of Jason get in a fight and beat the fuck outta each other.::  
  
So PINKY, and the others decided to go on and find something to blow up.  
  
Link picked up a bomb flower and threw it into the arena filled with Gorons.  
  
The explosion was so big that they were all knocked into the wall.  
  
The Gorons ran to the group, including Pinky, and crept closer.  
  
Closer.  
  
CLOSER!  
  
::Sorry it seems Jason and his second personality got bored with it and walked off. So I, the third personality, shall finish::  
  
They attacked the gang with their fists missing by 3 feete because Gorons are tall Mutha Fuckas and are blind as Britany Spears after an orgy.  
  
The group ran outside to confront a dodongo who ate them all.  
  
The End.  
  
Note from Author: I don't think I wanna do anymore personalities. ::Kills other two:: So now there is just me. MWUAHAHA! Tune in next time, if you can tune in, and see what happens! 


	8. Aye the Magical Midget

By now your probably sick of me. TOO BAD! So yea they were eaten..AGAIN! And it seems as if the world is fucked.  
  
So naturally you will get another chappie!  
  
CHAPTER 8: Mike Aye, the Magical Midget  
  
Yes the midget who killed them all with Lucky Charms saved them by coming back to life somehow (go figure) and kicking it right between the legs. YES HIS NUTS!  
  
SO he puked them all out and they laid there. Malon and Ruto were humping Links leg, Zelda was humping Aye (HE GOT LAID HE GOT LAID!) Link was crying, and Saria was thinking of Link naked.  
  
Pinky was laying down watching the sky. He was wondering why it was blue. Why not green? Or Pink?  
  
Link got up and drew his sword, threw it into the air, and knocked down the sky. Pinky got pissed and kicked him in the ass.  
  
His foot got stuck.  
  
They all ran around, cept for Aye who was busy with the necro, until the sky fell on top of them and crushed their bodies into pancakes.  
  
THE END!  
  
Note: SO yea Chapter 8 was late, who cares. Whose reading? NO ONE! 


	9. SLABY IS ALIVE! DAMNIT

Chapter 9: Holy Shit Slaby is still ALIVE?!  
  
Hello everyone. I (against all attempts from some of my avid readers and friends) am alive. I just started to really get into poetry on FictionPress.com. Now STUPIDITY!!!!  
  
The hero and his party are dead. And I should be commited. So what else is there to do...SELF INSERTIONS!!!!! I know everyone hates these but hey you can only think of SOOOO many outcomes and deaths until you run dry.  
  
Jason runs in the middle of the now repainted sky and yells that he has gone ofver the deep end and should seek serious help.  
  
Link got up and found a 500 rupee. Until..DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!! Jar Jar Binks came from nowhere and stole it running off spouting something no one understands.  
  
Jar Jar: Meesa Doo Doo Kiko Yuko Mesha Boco Kaba Baka Na Ne Shuuuuuu Poof Putty Bunn Bum Car Toes.  
  
TRANSLATION----who the fuck knows?! And really does anybody care at this point? I mean comn no one is reading...NO ONE!  
  
SO Jason took out a bazooka and BLEW THE FUCK OUTTA THAT DAMNED RETARD THAT HELPS NOTHING WITH THE STORY OF ANY STAR WARS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
So they all partied with Cream Soda and Corn Nuts until Mike Aye died of over exhaustion..Zelda still fucked him.  
  
Pinky (finally getting his foot from Link's ass) ate rocks. Surprised? I knew it.  
  
Saria and Malon decided to have a fight over who fucked Link the most. (They both lied out of their asses cuse Link probably has a dick the size and width of a mini pretzel)  
  
Ruto humped Link some more. And Jason was busy shooting round after round at the burning hole that is now Jar Jar.  
  
**HUGE RIP IN TIME CONTINUEM**  
  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!! THIS IS DRIVING ME SO FUCKING NUTS!?!? SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!  
  
Vash The Stampede appears out of nowhere.  
  
**VASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**  
  
*****Yes Jay?*****  
  
HELP ME FIX THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*****OK*****  
  
Vash beats Jason senseless and the chapter ends.  
  
THE END!  
  
Note from ShadowWolfX: People I know it's been a while since we've had our little story but fear not! I SHALL KEEP WRITING UNTIL..::police grab him:: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!  
  
***Mr Slaby we are from the PFCSAWDKS..That's the Protection of Fictional Characters from Stupid Authors Who Don't Know Shit. Your under arrest for the demorilization of a beloved character.***  
  
**BUT EVERYONE LIKES HOW I PICK ON LINK**  
  
***Not Link..Jar Jar Binks....***  
  
**WHAT!? Wait A MINUTE!!!! ::tears off their masks:: YOUR BINKSESES!!!!!!**  
  
Jar Jar Binks look alikes stand there with waffles. Why waffles? BECAUSE!  
  
***WESA COMESA TO AVEGAS DOO TOOE..***  
  
**DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**  
  
Jason blasts them to death with the OMEGE CANNON that he retrieved from the GREAT ANIME ITEM SPACE OF DOOOOOOM!!!!!! (6 O's!!!! COPYRIGHTED!!!)  
  
THAT IS THE REAL END!!  
  
OR IS IT?!?!  
  
IT PROBABLY IS.  
  
UNLESS I GET THE NEED TO WRITE MORE!  
  
THIS IS THE END.  
  
NO THIS.  
  
Maybe this?  
  
OK THIS IS REALLY THE END NOW.  
  
GOOD  
  
GO AWAY  
  
I SAID IT WAS THE END  
  
GET THE FUCK OUT!  
  
LEAVE ALREADY DAMMIT!  
  
GET OUT BEFORE I AM FORCED TO SPEAK LIKE JAR JAR AGAIN!!!!!!!!!  
  
::EVERYONE RUNS INCLUDING JASON:: 


	10. THE PANTLESS WONDER!

CHAPTER 10: PANTLESS WONDER!!  
  
::Jason runs out into the screen and dances with his pants down:: ** THE OLD GREY MARE SHE AINT WHAT SHE USED TO BE!!**  
  
Now people we must look at the facts. I have no more material. SO what do we do. We re-use the exact same shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over shit over and over and over.  
  
ENOUGH!  
  
Link decided he was done with these whores and killed them all. Zelda fucked herself to death when she realized she was dead. Now Link barbequed Ruto, used Malon as a sauce, and dipped them in his mug made from Malon's skull.  
  
Saria he kept alive because he knew he'd be a child-mollester when he grew up. Until the were both killed. By Pinky.  
  
The End.  
  
HOLY SHIT THAT'S NOT IT I FORGOT!  
  
::Jason runs out::  
  
That was a dream. Yep. The only way to get out of anything! So we decided to party.  
  
Link: I wanna soda!  
  
Saria: I want Link nekkid!  
  
Malon: ME TOO!  
  
Ruto: Me too!  
  
Pinky: Me too...i mean ROCKS!  
  
Zelda: Wheres that bag of Aye?  
  
Jason: I LIKE PIE!  
  
Din: I like pie too!  
  
Farore: I like pie!  
  
Nayru: I like vegetables!  
  
::Jason stabs her::  
  
Jason: PIE!!! PIE! PIE! PIE!  
  
Link: Why are we focusing on him its my story!  
  
..........  
  
::Link is also stabbed in the head::  
  
SO they all ate pie and Jason lived forever in the land of magical pies. 


End file.
